Can You Choose Your Cravings?
The Hidden Trade-offs of Taming Desire
For upcoming events please check the Notice Board below.
The Common Ground
Cravings drive much of human behavior. From food to intimacy and sexual interactions, our desires shape how we experience pleasure, pursue goals, and engage with the world. But what happens when cravings are suppressed, intentionally or as a side effect
Desire, cravings, and self-control have been discussed for centuries, through religious teachings, cultural norms, and psychological frameworks. Many traditions provide structured ways to manage urges, whether through discipline, moderation, or spiritual reflection. However, this newsletter is not about those perspectives. Instead, I want to focus on something more immediate: the experience of people using new weight-loss medications and wondering why they feel different in ways they didn’t expect.
While some welcome the ease of breaking unwanted habits, others feel unsettled by the shift. Is it possible to crave some things but not others? Can we be selective in what we desire, or does dampening one craving mean losing more than we intended?
On the Surface
Most people associate cravings with willpower. If you want to lose weight, stop drinking, or resist certain temptations, you just need more discipline, right? That is the common belief. Many assume that reducing cravings for unhealthy foods is a straightforward win and a simple fix to an ongoing struggle.
But what will happen when the impact of these medications goes beyond food. Many of my clients have shared how they suddenly lost interest in their morning coffee, their nightly glass of wine, or even their lifelong smoking habit without trying. More intriguingly, some describe a dampening of their sexual desire (“libido”), a loss of the fire in their belly that once fueled their ambitions and passions. I wonder if any of you have experienced these as well. So today, I want to zero in on these specific observations.
These conversations raised a question in my mind. One that I am discussing with my other colleagues in academic settings as seed for potential research. Are instinsctive cravings selective or when we lower the volume on one, the rest will go down with it too?
Digging Deeper
To have a better sense of our conversation here, let’s look at the science in simple terms. Wegovy and Ozempic belong to a class of medications called GLP-1 receptor agonists. GLP-1 (glucagon-like peptide-1) is a hormone that plays a crucial role in regulating appetite and blood sugar levels. These drugs slow digestion, making people feel fuller for longer, and they also act on the brain’s reward system, reducing food-related cravings.
That all makes sense. But there’s something else happening, something that isn’t discussed as often.
Because dopamine, the neurotransmitter tied to pleasure and reward, plays a role in many types of cravings, suppressing one (like the one for food) can sometimes dampen others. That might explain as why some people find that they effortlessly cut out alcohol, cigarettes, or even compulsive behaviors like excessive social media use or porn consumption and masturbation.
But here’s where things get more complex. Desire isn’t just about physical cravings. Libido, motivation, and overall drive are all connected to a delicate interplay of hormones, neurotransmitters, and emotions. For some, these medications don’t just reduce hunger, they create a broader emotional neutrality. Less urgency. Less excitement. Less longing.
This isn’t everyone’s experience, of course. For some, weight loss itself creates new motivation and energy. But I’m raising this because I’ve heard from clients, friends, and family members who are puzzled by their sudden lack of drive and don’t realize that it may be linked to these medications.
So, I invite you to reflect on the following questions.
Literacy
What to know before you act
What is the role of craving in your life? Can you distinguish between various forms of cravings you have?
Do you see craving as an obstacle, or does it give meaning to your desires and goals?
Have you ever lost a craving for something and felt relieved Or did you miss it?
If you could selectively dampen certain desires, which ones would you choose, and how might that affect other aspects of your life and the people around you?
What does the loss of libido or drive mean for your identity and relationships If sexual desire fades, what replaces it? should it be replaced at all?
Are cravings a necessary part of feeling fully alive Or do they hold us hostage?
Fluency
Track Your Changes. If you are on one of these medications, observe how your cravings shift. Are you losing interest in things that once brought you joy as much as you are losing craving for food?
Are you comfortable with these changes?
If your sexual desire decreases, consider having a conversation with your partner and discuss how you can cultivate intimacy and sensuality in other ways through touch, deep conversations, or new shared experiences?
Check In with your ambitions. If your drive for certain goals feels diminished, is it the medication, or is it a sign that those goals need reevaluation?
Consult a Professional. If you feel that the loss of desire is affecting your wellbeing, speak with your doctor or therapist about potential adjustments?
Be Intentional. Desire is not just chemical, it is also cultivated. If you want to bring passion back into certain areas of your life, consider actively reintroducing stimuli that once excited you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you noticed any unexpected changes in your motivation, desires, or overall drive while using these medications? Or have they simply helped you feel more in control? (these might not be your personal experiences but I am sure by now we all know people who are on these medications).
Share your experiences in the comments, your insights might help others who are navigating the same questions.
The Notice Board
For colleagues working with individuals and couples: I’m starting a new consultation group focused on psychosexual issues and couples’ dynamics. The group will run for six sessions, from Friday, May 2nd through June 6th, meeting weekly from 8:30–10:00 AM PST. If you’re interested or would like more details, feel free to reach out here.
Other news I wanted to share with you!
I’m deeply honored that Love by Design has received the Clark Vincent Award from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT). This recognition is especially meaningful to me, as the award celebrates literary or research contributions that advance our profession. To have my work acknowledged in this way is both humbling and affirming.