Do you and your partner come from different worlds?
How to thrive in an intercultural relationship
In today’s globalized society, relationships often cross cultural boundaries. Whether these boundaries pertain to nationality, religion, dietary habits, or socio-economic backgrounds, navigating them can be both enriching and challenging. While intercultural relationships offer opportunities for growth and self-expansion, they also require a deep respect and understanding of one another's background.
On the Surface
Intercultural relationships aren't just about managing differences; they're about celebrating them and incorporating them into the fabric of coupledom. These partnerships can transform how partners see the world, offering new insights and enhancing personal growth. However, they also bring challenges like differences in expressing love, holiday traditions, and daily customs, all of which require careful navigation.
Digging deeper
Common challenges faced by intercultural couples include aligning on values, understanding each other’s language, and reconciling different parenting styles or religious practices. These issues underscore the need for open, honest communication and mutual respect. It's crucial for partners to actively participate in each other’s cultural worlds, not just coexist within them.
Though every couple is different, common intercultural challenges for partnerships that I have observed are:
Experience and expressions of love
The purpose and the how of a coupledom
Boundaries in between the couple and beyond
Eating habits that could expand or limit joint experiences
Clothing choices
Language (especially the ones spoken with the children or at the presence of a member of couple while they don’t understand the language that is being spoken around them in family gatherings)
Identity
Religious rituals
Holiday rituals
Division of labor and the way things done on a daily basis
Social etiquettes
Parenting styles and beliefs
Meaning and role of sex
Though these are just a few examples of what an intercultural couple may face, they underscore how far-reaching these differences can be. And for couples that face these kinds of differences, it can feel daunting to know how to bridge the gap.
Literacy
What to know before you act
Understanding and navigating cultural differences within a relationship starts with self-reflection and dialogue. Reflect on how cultural differences play a role in your relationship dynamics and consider your feelings during disagreements over values and customs. Consider these questions to assess your cultural literacy within your relationship:
Do you find yourself tense or arguing when around extended family?
Are there worldview differences between you and your partner that seem insurmountable?
How well do you integrate with each other's friend groups?
Is there a cultural divide over something as simple as food preferences?
Are there topics you find difficult to discuss with your partner but not with others?
How do you handle hosting duties together, especially in mixed company?
Fluency
How to integrate what you know and feel
Advancing from basic understanding to fluency in managing cultural differences could involve the following:
Cultural Mentorship: Connect with other couples who are also in intercultural relationships.They can provide support, insights, and advice on how to navigate the complexities of merging different cultural backgrounds.
One of the main tools for these couples could be conversations and another one will become communication through touch. Touch is a universal language and tenderness is something that is received by many the same way.
Cultural Immersion: Take turns sharing each other's cultural rituals and practices. This could be as simple as cooking a traditional meal together, participating in a cultural festival, or attending a religious service. The goal is to experience and appreciate the richness of each other's heritage firsthand.
Language Learning: If language is a barrier, commit to learning at least the basics of each other's primary languages. This not only shows respect for your partner's culture but also helps in understanding nuances when interacting with each other's families and friends.
Education and Awareness: Continuously educate yourself about your partner’s culture through books, films, music, and art. This ongoing education will deepen your understanding and appreciation, helping to dispel stereotypes and prevent cultural faux pas.
Setting Expectations: Discuss and set clear expectations about integrating cultures within your home and future family plans. This includes decisions about which traditions to celebrate, which languages will be spoken at home, and how you will raise potential children with respect to cultural identity.