Metaphors in Motion

Unlocking Stagnation and Strengthening Relationships

Photo by Fernando Jorge on Unsplash

The Grounding

Have you ever felt stuck in a conversation, a relationship, or a recurring pattern with someone close to you? Relationships (whether romantic, familial, or professional) are built on communication, yet many of us struggle at times to find the right words, express our emotions, or articulate our needs clearly.

Often, this stagnation leads to frustration, especially in relationships where assumptions reign supreme: “Can’t you read my mind?” or “You should know what I mean!” When we assume that someone who knows us well should inherently understand our needs, we leave room for misinterpretation, disappointment, and disconnect. But what if there was a way to break through this mental and emotional fog? Enter metaphors- a powerful tool that can help us untangle our thoughts, create clarity, and move forward.

On the Surface

Over the past few decades, I have observed that metaphors do more than just make language colorful; they serve as a bridge between feelings and meaningful connection in relationships. I use them daily both personally and professionally because they help myself and my clients to process emotions more effectively and communicate our needs with greater clarity.Studies in cognitive linguistics suggest that metaphors shape the way we think and influence how we navigate relational dynamics. They provide imagery that turns vague emotions into something concrete, allowing both parties in a relationship to engage in a shared understanding.

Feeling stuck in a relationship is a universal experience. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or a colleague, we all encounter moments where communication feels blocked. And often, the issue isn’t just being stuck, it’s not knowing how to describe where we are or where we want to go.

Metaphors offer a roadmap, guiding us from confusion to connection, from inertia to action. Neuroscience research has shown that engaging with imagery-based language can activate the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and fostering a sense of possibility so parties involved don’t feel stuck anymore.

Digging Deeper

Let’s take an example: someone says, “You hurt me.” That statement can feel flat, overused, or vague. But when someone says, “I’m licking my wounds,” the metaphor invites further exploration. It implies a wound that needs cleaning, soothing, and time to heal. This creates space for meaningful action: an apology, a genuine effort to remedy the harm, and a commitment to prevent further pain.

Recently, I had a conversation with a man who struggled to articulate his feelings of disconnect in his relationship. At first, he just said, “Something feels off.” He felt emotionally distant but couldn’t pinpoint why. As we talked, he landed on a metaphor: “It feels like stagnant water.” That gave us a starting point to explore his experience through the five senses:

• Sight: Was it murky? Still? Overgrown with algae?

• Sound: Did it echo silence, or was there the occasional drip?

• Smell: Was it stale, lifeless?

• Touch: Did it feel sticky, unmoving?

• Energy: Was it draining? Was there an absence of flow?

As we deepened the conversation, he expanded on the metaphor: “It’s not just stagnant water, it feels like a drought.”This shift was powerful because it introduced a new element: depletion. We explored whether this was a temporary dry spell or if the well of intimacy and connection had completely dried up. Did it need gentle rain, or a complete irrigation system? was it only in one area within the relationship or overall?

Once he saw the stagnant water and the drought-like state of his relationship, he had a clearer picture of what was wrong. What initially felt overwhelming and undefined became tangible. From there, he could decide: Did he want to stir movement? Replenish what was missing? Add fresh energy? Redirect their intimacy into a new flow? By following the metaphor, he created a mental pathway toward motion and change.

Photo by Joeyy Lee on Unsplash

Similarly, consider how someone might describe a breach of trust: “You shattered my trust.” This metaphor conveys more than just disappointment. It evokes an image of something fragile that has been broken into pieces. By expanding this metaphor, the depth of hurt and the repair process can become clearer to both people involved:

• What was broken? A fragile glass? A sturdy vase? A delicate mirror reflecting shared experiences?

• How extensive is the damage? Is it a single crack that needs careful mending, or has it shattered into irreparable fragments?

• What does repair look like? Is it about piecing things back together with care? Does it require creating something new? Is time needed for the glue to set before trust can hold again?

Expanding the metaphor in conversation allows both parties to visualize the depth of the impact and the constancy of effort needed for repair. If the person who broke the trust understands it as shattered glass, they can see that simple words of apology or acknoeldgement won’t put the pieces back together, rather consistent, thoughtful action is required to rebuild what was lost.

Photo by ROCCO STOPPOLONI on Unsplash

Literacy: What to know before you Act

Using metaphors helps us develop self-awareness by encouraging us to name our experiences with precision and creativity. Here are some reflection prompts to help you uncover where you might be stuck:

• If my current emotional state were a landscape, what would it look like? A desert? A dense forest? A foggy mountain?

• If my relationship with a loved one were a weather pattern, what would it be? A brewing storm? A sunny but chilly day? A drought?

• If my career path were a type of movement, what would it feel like? A marathon? A treadmill? A tightrope walk?

  Share your own struggles and metaphors in the comments. Your insight might be the key that helps someone else break free from feeling stuck.

Fluency: Turning metaphors into actions

Here are some practical ways to use metaphors to get unstuck:

1. Identify Your Metaphor: Ask yourself, What is a fitting metaphor for my current situation? share it with the people involved in that relational space. see what they come up with.

2. Expand the Imagery: Dive deeper: What does this metaphor suggest about my emotions, obstacles, or desires?

3. Reimagine the Scenario: Instead of being in an unpleasent “storm,” can I be “learning how to dance in the rain”? If I feel like I’m in “quicksand,” how do I find solid ground? what resources do I have to get me there?

4. Take One Small Action Toward Change: If your relationship feels like “stagnant water,” what’s one thing you can do today to stir movement? do you want to do that on the first place?

5. Use Metaphors in Conversations:Next time you’re struggling to express yourself, try using a metaphor. You might be surprised at how much more clearly the other person understands you.

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The Notice Board

• For everyone, I look forward to seeing many of you (and your partners!) at the In Bloom Summit, April 4-6 2025 in Vancouver. Check it out and Register here.

• For colleagues and professionals, I am excited to offer a series of both virtual and in-person trainings based on your requests in the coming months. Topics will include:

  • How to Build a Successful Practice

  • The Ins and Outs of Publishing

  • The use of metaphors in working with couples and sexuality

  • Sexuality Attitude Reassessment Bootcamp

  • Working with Religious Couples

  • How to Embody the 6 Ingredients of Thriving Relationships in Your Practice

  Feel free to let me know if there are other topics that you wish for me to cover in the upcoming months (simply comment below or reply to this email).

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